We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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