Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Randomize
