I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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