I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
either way he was missing a nipple.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
