found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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