It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
