sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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