Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
