then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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