you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
