So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
