nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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