I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
