Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So here I am, sexting at work.
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