Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
