I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
