So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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