I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
my nose is crying tears of wow.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
