I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
