So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I should be sponsored by Trojan
she smelled like a LAN party
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
