so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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