I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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