I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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