If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
