Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize