just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
