I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
