Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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