Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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