Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
we're making bets on your personal life
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
