Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
