She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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