why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
