Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
