u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
