she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
