he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
