Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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