My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
