just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
it glows. i had to have it.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
