And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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