It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
