I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
