He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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