Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You smell like stripper and shame
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
