This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
