looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize