Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
