Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
