if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
