laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
