Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
