We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
