I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
