Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
