If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
