I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
