dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
