she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
