i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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