Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Randomize
