I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize