He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
