The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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