yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
