Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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