Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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