We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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