What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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