I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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