Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
