It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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