3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize