So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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