That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
