And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
where are my eyebrows?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
