Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
