i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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