I think my vagina is haunted
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize