my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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