My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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