i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
