I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
