I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
