he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
