wrigley field is MILF paradise
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
