yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
