The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
