just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
