i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
