mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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