he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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