Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
