Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
