The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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