He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
