Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
