Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
not ubering you a puppy
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
