just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
