You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
