She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
