Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
