Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
