I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
